The Corners of this Room
by w.y.back
Summary: "Natsuki thinks that because we're both women who like women, our love is the same. She doesn't understand. My love for her is, and has always been, different..." In a world where Otomes should relinquish any chance at happiness, this is the story of a love that wasn't supposed to exist. ShizNat Otomeverse
1. Chapter 1 - Coral

**THE CORNERS OF THIS ROOM  
>By: wyback<strong>  
>© 2014<p>

_Rating: _T, may be higher later_  
>Disclaimer: <em>If I owned Mai Otome or Mai HiME, I'd be making a ShizNat-centric episode by now. The only thing I claim is the story below._  
>Distribution: <em>So long as the credits are intact, feel free to save a personal copy or to link. If you plan to post whole chapters somewhere, just ask. :)_  
><em>_Spoilers:_ Plenty for Mai Otome, the anime. Maybe some Mai HiME too, because they're related._  
><em>_Author's Notes:  
>This is my first ShizNat fic. I didn't plan to write one (and many apologies to those who were expecting an update on my Noir fic - it's coming, just later) but this story pretty much grabbed me and ran. The first parts take place years before the events of Mai Otome. The way Natsuki and Shizuru meet in this story isn't canon, but as far as I'm concerned, ShizNat itself is canon in Mai Otome. ;) If you want to read a canon-close take on how ShizNat met, I highly recommend <em>Leebot's "Oneesama,"_ which is based on the Otome drama CD. Mine will have a different take on how Shizuru and Natsuki met, fought and fell in love over the years, though the rest of the 'verse will be mostly canon. Thanks to xxmadlaxx for taking the time to beta this fic!_

**1: The Past - Coral**

Natsuki thinks that because we're both women who like women, our love is the same. She doesn't understand. My love for her is, and has always been, different.

I'm Shizuro Viola, scion of a rich and noble house, but that means nothing next to the fact that I am the most deadly of weapons. I am an Otome, a supersoldier renowned and sought after for my battle dance. Entire armies would fall before me. Only another Otome would stand a chance. Women, and more than a few men, adore me.

When Natsuki and I graduated, we were offered the chance to replace the Pillars who were retiring to have their own families at the time. Being a Pillar is the closest an Otome can come to freedom, or at least to being able to live and die by her own will. Otomes are usually bound to their masters; the best among us serve royalty and the heads of state. But Pillars are bound to the Predecessor, the first Otome, and in this way we serve, not the interest of any one country or king, but the good of Garderobe Academy, the affairs of Otomes in general and in no small sense, the world.

But it wasn't always that way.

I was a Pearl in my last year at Garderobe when I met her. I was finishing my classes when she approached, a girl with long hair so black and shiny that it gleamed with tints of blue under the sunlight streaming through the windows. I was surrounded by a number of students my classmates teasingly called my "fans" but that didn't deter her. She marched towards me with head down and clenched fists, and blocked the middle of the hallway until I was forced to acknowledge her.

"Viola-senpai," she began, and I had to hide my amusement because it had been so long since anyone had said my name through clenched teeth like that.

"Yes?" I prodded, though I'd already guessed what this was about.

"Please make me your heya-gakkari." Her "please" sounded so aggravated that a few of my fans gasped indignantly on my behalf. A heya-gakkari or room attendant is a Coral or first year who assists a senior Pearl in mundane things like keeping their room neat or preparing lunch. In return, the Pearls mentored their attendants. Somewhere during that process, the bond between the students often deepened into sisterhood or friendship.

"You don't sound very happy about it," I observed nonchalantly.

Only at my words did the girl look up, straight into my eyes, and - just like that - I was lost. Viridian fire leapt from those eyes. Her defiant glare engulfed me. _Like the wide, fathomless sea, _the thought came out of nowhere, _I could drown in those eyes._

"Your name?" I asked, though I already knew. It was to buy myself time, so my heart would stop its sudden pounding.

"Natsuki Kruger." The Coral was turning red at the attention she was receiving. Obviously she was unaccustomed to a crowd. Her glare was even beginning to turn on some of the onlookers, which only served to pique their interest more. If I did take her on, I was going to have my hands full.

I turned to the girls milling around us. Several were already throwing unfriendly glances at the newcomer. "Please excuse us, it seems Kruger-san and I have much to discuss." They dispersed unwillingly but in a minute we were alone.

I told her we should try things out for a few days and see if we suited each other. But in reality it was practically a foregone conclusion. The instructors had already asked me to, and it would be advantageous if they remembered how graciously I acceded to such an unusual request. What I didn't count on was my feelings on the matter. Suddenly, getting to know this girl was something I very much wanted to do.

_*** **Some days earlier** ***_

"Ah first Pearl Viola, come in." Miss Maria Graceburt was Garderobe Academy's stern mistress of student affairs for as long as anyone could remember. She indicated the chair across from her. "I have a favor to ask of you."

"Of course, m'am," I replied politely as I took my seat. It was not a "yes" exactly, but signaled a willingness to listen that Miss Maria would find pleasing.

"I understand you've not yet selected a room attendant. There's a new Coral, Natsuki Kruger, from the country of Aries..."

She launched into a story that I only half-listened to as I served each of us tea from the pot on a nearby table. Basically, this new girl had potential but her attitude left a lot to be desired. She skipped classes and barely made an effort when she was present. Although she scored well during battle dances and tests, her manner steadily pulled her down in the rankings. This was highly unusual. Girls from all over the known world fought for a slot at Garderobe Academy. Even then, acceptance was only the beginning. Since only one or two out of three Corals made it to the level of Pearl, competition among the students was fierce.

"I don't understand, ma'am. If she doesn't like it here..." Then this Kruger girl should simply drop out. Plenty of girls would happily take her place.

Miss Maria's lips compressed into a thin line. "It appears she has some talent. Her dance is robust...though lacking in grace."

_Ah so Miss Maria's not exactly happy about this either. _I sipped my tea quietly, waiting for what was next. The promise they saw in Natsuki must be extraordinary, because I learned that this wasn't the first intervention.

They had already tried to push her by assigning her to the same room as Mai Tokiha, the current number one Coral. Although that had led to some improvement, "we feel she would benefit from a Pearl's guidance. For this reason," Miss Maria concluded, "we ask that you consider her."

Naturally, I assented as graciously as I could. While Miss Maria had diplomatically couched it as a request, it was obvious that I could hardly refuse. At the time, I was torn between annoyance and intrigue. What could they possibly see in her that was worth all this? The annoyance vanished once I met Natsuki Kruger, and if anything I became just as determined to see her stay at Garderobe.

*** **_A few days later_** ***

My attraction and interest in Natsuki didn't lessen in the days that followed. If it were just her green eyes and beauty, I believe I would've gotten over it in time. Instead, the more I got to know the reluctant Coral, the more I became drawn to her. Her cool aloofness, I learned, was only one facet of her personality. Beneath it was a genuine and thoughtful concern for the people around her. For example, she was very protective of her roommate, Mai. As first Coral, Mai faced a lot of competition and some of the students used underhanded methods, like spreading vicious rumors about her. Natsuki got into a lot of shouting matches that week.

Gradually, that concern extended to me. I hadn't made her my attendant officially yet because I was getting people used to the idea of seeing us together. Eventually, this would minimize any opposition or ill feelings generated by the way Natsuki had first approached me. So Natsuki and I began to spend time together, and we would often walk around the grounds and fall into conversation. She eventually began to open up to me. She even started doing small tasks for my benefit. Not once did she press me for an answer to her request. Because the idea was so foreign to me, it took me awhile to figure out that she wasn't doing these things with any particular end in mind, but because she genuinely wanted to help me out somehow.

One evening, a knock sounded on my door. "Viola-senpai?"

"Come in." I turned from my desk as the door to the room I shared with Haruka, the number two Pearl, opened. I was surprised to see Natsuki bearing a tray of food. "Ara, is it that late already?"

"I thought I'd bring your dinner since you didn't make it to the cafeteria." Natsuki placed the tray down on the only empty space on my desk. She glanced curiously at the piles of paper that littered the sizable table. "Do all Pearls have to do this much work?" she asked, faintly horrified.

I grinned at her obvious dismay. Unlike me, Natsuki's feelings showed up fairly frequently on her face. "No. That bunch is homework. This," I indicated the papers currently in front of me, "is Trias paperwork." If I were more like Natsuki, there'd be a scowl on my face at this point, too. "The leading three Pearls become members of the Trias, Garderobe's student council, so there's that on top of the usual school work."

"Oh, I didn't realize. I guess you're too busy..."

_Hmm, so this isn't just a regular visit?_ "No, it's time for a break." I smiled at her. "Does Natsuki want to share?"

"I already had dinner, Viola-senpai -"

"Oneesama," I interjected smoothly, as I began to eat.

"Huh?"

"If you're going to be my heya-gakkari, you can call me 'oneesama,' Shizuru-san, or even just Shizuru," I pointed out. "You shouldn't address me as if we barely know each other, when plenty of the younger students already call me 'Shizuru-oneesama.'"

She grimaced at that, and I could tell that it annoyed her, the legion of fans that followed me around. "How do you stand it?"

"What do you mean?" Idly, I noticed that I liked the food that Natsuki had chosen for me. None of the food I disliked was on the tray, while certain dishes I was partial to were. I wondered if that meant that she'd taken the time to find out what I liked. Also, she'd chosen simpler but well-prepared fare over the intricate, often disastrous, experiments that some of the Corals tried to show off with. But then, Natsuki would be the type who preferred something well-made over something flashy.

"Everyone following you around all the time, acting as if they know more about you than they really do. Doesn't it get irritating?"

"Natsuki has a problem with people who show their admiration?" I pushed back from the table and got up. The Coral had settled next to my desk with her back to the wall. In a few steps I was in front of her. "Or perhaps," I hazarded, my voice dipping into huskiness as my attraction to this fierce, beautiful girl manifested itself, "Natsuki is jealous?"

Deep green eyes went wide as I leaned forward and placed my hands on her shoulders. Our faces were inches away from each other, and it took everything I had not to immediately close that distance.

"You don't need to be," I murmured. I knew that a good many regarded me as more than fair, with my feminine mien, chestnut waves and eyes the color of warm wine. So there was a chance. And if Natsuki returned my attraction by even one iota, I knew I would kiss her, and possibly more. Though many chased me, the truth was I hadn't kissed anyone since I was a Coral. Appearances and heavy flirting aside, my focus upon first becoming a Pearl was to rise in the rankings. My family expected no less than a Trias ranking. When I overshot that mark, their main reaction had been one of sheer satisfaction rather than any kind of congratulations.

"Shi-shizuru!" Natsuki exclaimed in panic as my lips hovered ever closer to hers.

_She doesn't feel the same way. _The realization cut much deeper than simple disappointment would have. I smoothly redirected so that my lips only brushed the hair that swept over her forehead. "Thank you for dinner." I tried to keep my tone light but in reality I felt like a fool. Normally, I only made a move like this if the other person was just as clearly interested in what I had to offer. What was it about this girl that made me want to gamble? I didn't even realize how much of a gamble it was until I stepped away, and saw that Natsuki's hands were curled into fists.

_Would she have hit me?_ _She hates the thought of me touching her that much?_ With my pride in tatters, I tried to end this horrible night. "If that's all, I still have a lot of work -"

"Is that what you expect from me?" She was blushing but her steady gaze was deadly serious. "If I were your heya-gakkari, would you want..." Natsuki trailed off and it was priceless, really, because she couldn't even bring herself to say the words. Then she squared her shoulders, and that defiant gleam was back in her eyes. "I know some Pearls have...relationships with their attendants. Is that what you expect? Because if it is... If you accept me, I'll do my best as your attendant, but you need to know that I won't ever - I'm not one of your goddamn fan girls!"

My eyebrows rose at her outburst over my 'goddamn fan girls' as she put it. "Is Aries a very conservative country?" I asked in amazement. "Is it one of those strange places that pretend girls don't have their own minds or desires?"

"Of course not!" she denied hotly.

"Then there's no need to insult people just because they feel so strongly about something that they need to be open about it, is there?" I chided. "There's nothing wrong with expressing admiration, Natsuki, for as long as it doesn't overstep certain bounds. Nor do I lose anything by being pleasant about it. Unless," another possibility occurred to me, "are you one of those people who believe that Otomes should be like the ancients' vestal virgins? The process has been explained to you, right? That the nano-machines in our blood are susceptible to male chromosomes, and that we risk developing an immunity if we have sex with men? But even if you were to kiss a man, that wouldn't -"

"I know all that!" Natsuki cut me off hastily. She was as red as a tomato now.

"Then what is it?" Her reaction baffled me.

"Kissing and what follows, it shouldn't be taken so - so lightly!"

Silence reigned for a few seconds. "I see," I said slowly. "Natsuki is a romantic."

"Gah!" Now she looked like she wanted to hit her head on the nearest hard surface.

"Well," I told her gently, "there's nothing wrong with that either." In truth, I found her response touching, mainly because it had been so long since someone had expressed a sentiment so completely...naive around me. I may have once felt that way myself. Like maybe when I was nine, before all the lessons on strategy started. "If Natsuki becomes my heya-gakkari, I won't expect her to wash my back at the baths then." That brought on another round of blushing. _Teasing this girl might become a habit_, I thought, _just because her reactions are always so cute and amusing. _

Hesitantly, she spoke again while I resumed my seat. "Please, you didn't answer my question. What do you expect from me?"

I was already eyeing the formidable pile of papers in front of me, but my attention was completely focused on her. "Will Natsuki listen to me?"

This obviously wasn't the response she was expecting. "What do you mean?"

"To be my attendant doesn't mean to merely clean my room or fetch my things. It's a mutual relationship where both parties can benefit by learning from each other. But that will only happen if Natsuki keeps an open mind. Otherwise, the exercise is useless and a waste of time." I swung my chair around so that I was facing her again. "So, will you listen? Or do you think that there's nothing useful that I can possibly share with you?"

"I'm not - I don't -" she replied, flustered at my little dig. "I know I have a lot to learn. I've seen your battle dance and it's every bit as astounding and graceful as everyone says. But I don't see the point in the social niceties that you exercise all the time."

"Ara, the point is you will deal with people, whatever you do. Whether it's your master, a student, another Otome, or the person fixing your bike ..." I added that because she'd let slip that she had one.

"Shizuru, I can never be like you."

She sounded so discouraged that I laughed; I just had to. Did she have any idea what it took to become me? The relentless lessons I had gone through, day after day, since I was six years old? The endless days where every meal and occasion was regarded as practice in order to perfect the facade I presented to the world, so that no one, no matter who I conversed with, saw anything beyond my smile and the apparent interest in my eyes? As to the grace in my battle dance that everyone oooh'd over like it was magic? That movement was the result of countless hours spent in dance, gymnastics, and martial arts. My family had extensive resources, and a good portion of that was used to mold my body, mind and psyche so that I would become an ideal Garderobe candidate and, ultimately, one of the world's most powerful of weapons.

"I'd never want you to be," I told her in total honesty. "But there are many kinds of battles, Natsuki. The dance is one. Sometimes dealing with people is another. If you're to become an Otome, you can't afford to limit yourself to one field of battle."

She took a deep breath, and I could see that she was working up the courage to say something. "I..."

I took her hands then. This contact was nothing like the kiss I'd tried to bestow on her a few minutes ago. For some reason, I simply wanted to help this girl with whatever burden she was carrying. "Whatever you say now won't leave the corners of this room."

"I'm not sure I want to be an Otome." She dipped her head. "I thought you should know that before you made your decision."

A gasp left my lips. No wonder she was so reluctant to speak. With her confession, Natsuki had just placed herself completely in my hands. In this of all places, her statement came close to sacrilege. One word of it, and her time at Garderobe would be over.

She saw my shock, and tried to fill it with words. "Please don't get me wrong. I want to be able to protect what's important to me with everything I have. For that reason, I want to be as strong as I can be. But I can't see myself blindly obeying the will of a master. I don't want to fight or kill just because someone says so, not if it doesn't agree with my own idea of what's right and wrong. During the last Great War, Otomes who were dear friends killed each other on their masters' orders. Why? For power? For more territory? If we're the most powerful weapons on this planet, why do our lives matter so little? For us to be used like pawns, it's just all...wrong."

_She's going to get herself killed. _If Natsuki succeeded in becoming an Otome and the wrong people heard her talking like this, she wouldn't just be finished at Garderobe, someone would see to it that she was silenced forever. My grip on her hands tightened, then let go. "Natsuki, please don't ever repeat those words."

The hurt that flashed across her face was so palpable, it was almost as if I'd slapped her. Stiffly, she drew away. "I'm sorry, Viola-senpai -"

I waved her apology away. "Ara, I'm not berating you. I'm glad that you confided in me. But Natsuki, you know how other people will feel about this, right?" _Powerful people. Deadly people._ "That's why I'm saying you should keep it to yourself for now. As for your questions, I wish I could help but I honestly don't have any answers. I'm just another student like you. But what I can say is that you have to decide for yourself: as things are now, do you want to become an Otome or not? Because if you do..."

She gave me a weak smile. "I have to do a lot better, don't I?"

"You're too smart not to know where you stand right now." Another part of my brain was going: _Wonderful, just my luck to fall for a romantic idealist of a philosopher... wait, what?! _Oh for the love of Fumi, I had to get this girl out of here before she bewitched more of me than she already had. "Please think about it? Then come back and give me an answer."

"I will," she nodded. The determination in her eyes suited her. More shyly, she added, "Thank you, Shizuru."

I watched her turn to leave, and spoke just as her hand twisted the doorknob. "Natsuki." _Can I really let her go? What if she decides to give up? _But wouldn't that be to my advantage? Wasn't she too much of a distraction already?

"Yes?"

_Oh to hell with it. _"I meant what I said. Your secret is safe with me." _And it's no longer a burden that you need to carry alone._ "If you decide to stay, please ask to become my heya-gakkari again." I felt my lips curve into a teasing grin. "If you do, I promise I won't make you take a turn at the baths."

That night, I fell asleep dreaming about the many ways I might try to make her blush again.

* * *

><p><em>AN #2: Feedback feeds the muse. Just saying. _=) _ What I like about Mai Otome is simply this: Shizuru loves Natsuki without apology or shame. There's the risk of heartbreak and being unrequited, as there is in every relationship, but no belief that her love is somehow wrong or (depending on the translation you get) wicked. Or maybe the Shizuru in Mai Otome, being a kickass supersoldier, just doesn't care. _;)


	2. Chapter 2 - Pearl

**THE CORNERS OF THIS ROOM  
>By: wyback<br>**© 2014

_Rating:__ T for now, may be higher later  
>Disclaimer:<em>_ Still don't own Mai Otome or Mai HiME. The only thing mine is the story below.  
>Distribution:<em>_ So long as the credits are intact, feel free to save a personal copy. If you plan to post it somewhere, just ask. :)  
>Author's Notes:Thanks to xxmadlaxx for taking the time to beta this fic!<em>

**2: The Past - Pearl**

***_**Three months later**_***

"That's not fair, Natsuki! You let Shizuru-oneesama tease you all over the place. I don't even get half the digs into you that she does, and you never take any revenge on her."

The raised voice of Mai Tokiha, and the fascinating things she was saying, froze me in my tracks. I was on the hunt for my attendant, who I hadn't been able to discomfit in the last few days. Natsuki was far too serious and there was a cutting edge to her personality at times. But I had stumbled on the perfect solution: I embarrassed her to death with compliments and demonstrations of affection. Natsuki came from a family that was very proper and big on formality. So while suggestive words were guaranteed to make her blush, mostly-innocent hugs, I discovered, nearly caused full-blown panic. That it let me express my attraction and growing fondness for her - well why not hit two birds with one stone when one can? Sometimes I felt like a big cat stalking an extremely cute, skittish and ultimately defenseless puppy.

This development, though, was far more interesting.

"And exactly what kind of revenge do you think I could take on the number one Pearl?" That exasperated reply was Natsuki's.

I looked around quickly. By some miracle, I was alone and no one else was in sight. With as much dignity as I could muster, Shizuru Viola, perennially refined first Trias and first among Pearls, ducked behind a tree and crouched in hiding as the two arguing girls passed.

"I don't know, but it sure seems like you won't even try. You mutter at her and complain about it, but I know you. If you were really determined to make her stop, you'd do something about it."

I heard the telltale slap of wet shoes on the ground and what sounded like clothing being wrung out, and guessed that for some reason the number one Coral was completely drenched right now. I covered my mouth to stifle a laugh.

"That's what you do to me and everyone else, anyway."

"Well, you can take it. But Shizuru..." That must've slipped out accidentally, because the next thing I heard was -

"Oh no you don't! You owe me for this. Even you have to admit that your revenge was over-the-top this time. While I was wearing my uniform too. I can't believe I have to do laundry at this hour!"

"You were only supposed to get a little wet," Natsuki tried to reason. "How could I know that you'd slip and fall into the pool?"

"Maybe because I was standing next to it at the time?" Mai asked sarcastically. "C'mon, Kruger, spill. Are you actually saying that the 'perfect Pearl' can't withstand one of your tricks?"

Natsuki sighed. "It's not that at all. It's just like you said, Shizuru is so...perfect. Don't you think she must be under tremendous pressure to maintain that? No one can be that poised and self-possessed at every hour of every day. Except apparently, she is."

"I never thought of it like that. I don't know, Natsuki." There was plenty of doubt in Mai's voice. "If someone is like that all the time, maybe they're really just that way? There must be people who are."

"Maybe." Natsuki obviously felt uncomfortable discussing me.

"But what does that have to do with the teasing and the six dozen surprise hugs everyday?"

"Nothing much."

"Oh don't be like that. You know I'm not going to tell anybody," Mai as good as promised.

"It's just...when Shizuru teases me, there's something different about her smile. She gets this grin that's got a side of devil to it, and she seems more relaxed somehow. It's the only time I've seen her acting like she's our age." Natsuki sounded embarrassed. "I guess I just like seeing that side of her more, instead of the perfect future Otome."

"Aww, you sound like the perfect devoted room attendant right now," Mai teased. "Almost like a real fan."

"Shut up. You want another dunk in the pool?" Natsuki grumbled, as their voices faded into the distance.

For a long time after they'd gone, I sat under that tree. I didn't seek Natsuki out that day.

_How did she do that? How long has Natsuki seen through my mask? _I stared at the clouds in the brilliant, vividly blue sky until the image blurred. Was it from my staring or were those tears smearing my vision? But then I shouldn't have been so surprised because this was so very Natsuki. She didn't waste words on chatter. She talked to me and never at me, and she was always listening to what I said back. We'd spent some portion of every day of the past three months together since I'd made her my heya-gakkari, and we still hadn't run out of things to say.

_Leave her, _everything in my training told me. _A person who can so effortlessly see through you is dangerous. _And so, with every instinct screaming at me to flee, I ran.

* * *

><p>I avoided her. I steadily made excuses with a reassuring smile until the conversations and daily meetings stopped for good. Natsuki was still officially my attendant, but I made sure that we were never alone. I ate my meals with the other Pearls. I could see that Natsuki was having a hard time figuring out the abrupt change in my attitude and that it was making her miserable. <em>She'll get over it, <em>I told myself.

_I'll get over it, too._ I had just turned seventeen and had never met an obstacle I couldn't banish by will. I thought this would be like that. I was, in short, too much of an arrogant idiot to realize that it was already too late.

Of all people, it was blunt, ever-challenging Haruka who called me on it. My roommate and I were on the Trias together and she noticed how distracted I was. It was like nothing mattered and I was only going through the motions, even in my studies.

Haruka wanted to be first Pearl, but she also wanted to beat me when I was at my best. Until now, I'm not sure whether it was her own idea or whether someone put her up to it, but she challenged me for the right to have Natsuki as her attendant.

I'd never felt such rage before. It was one thing for me to try to push Natsuki so that she would willingly break our bond and stay away, but for someone to **take** her from me... _Never. _It was as if every single moment of training I'd ever had was focused during that battle dance, and for the first time I materialized my chained blade.

Any Otome, even one in training, can materialize an element. The first and easiest element we're able to manifest is a weapon, usually a staff when we're Corals, that we can hold. This is already an accomplishment, and only someone who can do this consistently can become a Pearl. My element at this time was an edged sword with a blade that I was able to extend by will. The problem was Haruka had begun to experiment with a ball attached to a chain, which had much greater reach. It was an ideal weapon for her strength, and she knew it. Fortunately, so did I and her weapon gave me an idea.

During our dance, I swung my sword at her and she easily danced out of the reach of the extended blade. But I can still hear the gasps of surprise when in mid-swing, the blade of my sword detached into segments, suspended only by the newly materialized cable that ran through them up to the hilt in my hand. I sent the segmented blade flying until it spun to wrap around a surprised Haruka, trapping her. It twisted tighter and tighter around her while the segments of the blade hit her robed torso several times in quick succession. In mere minutes, her practice robe was drained and the battle dance was over.

Later, when everyone else had finished congratulating me, I saw Natsuki approaching. I turned to her with a victorious smile. _I'll let myself have this, _I decided, again in my arrogance. _I'll bask in her presence one last time. _

But the words that left her lips were not congratulatory. "I challenge you."

Every semblance of victory fell from me in a second. "Why?" I stammered in surprise. "For what?"

"For my freedom." The expression on her face was as immovable as stone. "For the right to choose whether I will continue to be your attendant or not."

"Right now?" I asked, bewildered. "But everyone's left and you don't have permission -"

She flicked her hair, and the small stone at her ear. "Materialize." A flash of blue lit her up and by the time it faded she was standing in front of me, armored in a Coral's red robe.

"Natsuki, you saw what I just did, and that was to another Pearl. I don't want to hurt you."

Apparently, I'd chosen exactly the words that would infuriate her. She glared at me. "Just shut up and fight, Shizuru!"

"Alright, but only because you insist." I leapt away and held my sword at the ready. I planned to do her enough damage to satisfy honor, but not enough to cause harm. All along, I assumed that I would dictate the terms of the dance.

That lasted until she materialized her element, two small handheld items, one for each hand.

And that was when I realized how stupidly presumptuous I'd been. Hadn't I been as good as told that Natsuki's potential for battle dance was so remarkable that the school had gone to great lengths to push her? The faculty didn't do that for every student.

Still, I had to try. Maybe her element wasn't as functional as it seemed? I sent the blade of my sword flying - in exactly the way I'd thrown it at Haruka, during the fight that Natsuki had just watched with great care. It was a new technique and there hadn't been time to refine it or to add variations. The element of surprise was all on the other side.

Natsuki shot the connected segments to pieces with her guns long before any of it reached her. The detached pieces fell and, without the contact of my robe to sustain them, faded away into remnants of energy.

"You can materialize ammunition!" I couldn't even hide my surprise. Every Otome can materialize an element, but every single student in Garderobe right now kept that element somehow in contact with her robe or body. Most active Otomes in the world did the same thing. Natsuki's ability to turn her robe's energy into matter and send those projectiles flying at targets, independently of their source, was exceedingly rare, especially at this stage. And she had done it, not once, but several times when she'd shot at the pieces of my sword. If she could do this over long distances someday...

Natsuki smiled at my obvious astonishment, and it was unlike any smile I'd seen on her before. The confident curve of her lips announced that this part of the world, at least, was hers for the taking. It was the smile, not quite with a side of devil as she'd described mine, but the loping grin of a wolf, feral, possessive, and very territorial. "Surrender, Shizuru."

_Fumi help me. _Natsuki's voice was naturally a bit low with a touch of huskiness, but now that she was angry and demanding..._ That near-growl and that smile could make me do almost anything_. I laid my sword and its broken blade on the ground, and depowered my robe. One must be gracious in losing as well as in winning; sometimes more so. "I admit defeat," I said softly, "this time."

Those green eyes narrowed at me. "And my challenge?"

"You're free. I...you've always been free, Natsuki. I respect your choice."

"And are you, Shizuru? Free?" Suddenly the wolfish smile was gone, and the only thing in its place was sadness. "Next to Mai, you were the person who brought me out of my self-imposed shell. You were the one who gave me back my will, when you told me to decide what I should do for myself. I just hope that one day, you can tell me what I did that was so wrong that it drove you away."

"You didn't do anything wrong!" I wanted her to understand that. This was all me, about my need for distance and self-preservation. What a great student of the human psyche I was, when the possibility that Natsuki might blame herself never occurred to me.

"Then explain to me what happened to us." Her eyes glimmered.

"I - I can't." I could barely get the words out. "Please don't ask me to."

The familiar dark head bent. "I see." She bowed to me formally. "Thank you for the honor of your dance." And she turned to leave.

I could not bear her lost tone, nor the sheen of tears in that green gaze. "Natsuki!" I called after her. "You haven't told me your choice. What do you want?" _Tell me to take you back,_ I wanted to say, _and I'll do it. Order me to ignore my instincts, and I will. You've defeated me. My training understands defeat._

She didn't even look back. "What I've always wanted for you. You have a heart, Shizuru. Why don't you follow it, for once?"

And that was how that day ended, with the taste of our separate victories turning into ashes. Somehow, we had both won and lost our dances.

* * *

><p>I couldn't do as she asked. It took me time to understand that the chains from my upbringing were far stronger and restrictive than the segmented blade I'd wrapped around Haruka.<p>

Haruka herself seemed more contemptuous of me now, despite her defeat. "You've got no guts," she harrumphed. "You won't even admit your true feelings."

_Ara, was everyone reading my mind now? _I wanted to stomp my feet and fill the air with curses. Instead, I smiled, went to class dutifully and tried to perfect my dance. I moved and performed as expected, and felt empty the entire time. Natsuki hadn't rescinded our arrangement, but neither did she approach me. When we happened upon each other, we were the most exquisitely polite of strangers.

_Feelings aren't supposed to matter,_ I reminded myself. _They're dangerous and will make one weak_ - a thousand lessons and stories bore that out. Then how come I'd never felt as strong or sure again, as the day I'd fought to keep Natsuki mine?

In the middle of the school year, because Haruka and I had kept our rankings almost from the beginning, the Gakuencho or Headmistress of Garderobe herself decided to honor the two of us with a battle dance. We were not supposed to last against her. We were two Trias students in basic Meister robes against a fully trained Otome, and not just any Otome but a veteran Pillar and head of our school.

Haruka went down within the first ten minutes, with her robe completely sapped of power but not too badly hurt. But something happened to me. I felt verdant green eyes watching my every move and the weight of that gaze broke something deep inside me and tore it lose. I threw myself into the dance to the limit of my ability. Every attack I launched was eventually rebuffed, but I got up each time I was thrown down. I lasted a full half hour in a fight that I shouldn't have been able to continue for more than half that. I forced the Headmistress to treat the fight seriously. I did not back down until I could no longer get up...no, until the Gakuencho herself pointed her element at my exposed throat, and ordered me to stand down.

I conceded with a smile, stood with her help and the last vestiges of my strength, and walked out of the arena to the breathless cheers of my schoolmates. Even Miss Maria said it was well done. I lost consciousness soon after. I dreamed of viridian eyes, a soft voice that told me about life on Aries, a gentle hand that placed and replaced a cool cloth on my forehead.

"Why do you do this to yourself, Shizuru?" the voice whispered. I knew it was a dream because I found no trace of it when I woke.

It took two full days and nights for the nanomachines to repair my body, or at least sufficiently so that I could move on my own. On the third night, I waited until everyone was asleep before I made my way slowly to the baths. I laughed wryly at my sluggish progress. Right now, Miss Maria could run circles around me.

I was thankful to find the baths empty and everyone gone. The next obstacle was getting my uniform off, and it wasn't going to be easy. I winced as I reached for the fastening of the collar. The pain that shot through my arm and shoulder at the attempted movement told me that my body still had much healing to do.

"Shizuru?"

That shy, soft voice made everything go still. _The voice of my dreams. _

"Let me help?" Natsuki materialized like an element by my side, and I held my breath because I'd never seen her this way. The student baths were communal but we'd never been here at the same time.

"Ara, I thought Natsuki said she would never wash my back?" I joked weakly at the sight of her wrapped only in a towel. Like most Corals who assisted us in the baths, her long, dark hair was twisted into a bun so that it wouldn't get wet. The strands that escaped from it framed her lovely face in a way that made her seem even younger than she was.

"Maybe just this once. Don't get used to it," she warned lightly. A nimble hand undid my collar and the fastenings of my light gray uniform. "Is it okay if I help with the rest?"

I nodded gratefully. "This wasn't quite the way I pictured it."

"What?"

"Getting naked in front of you."

"Ack! Shizuru!"

I turned my head enough to sneak a peek at her. _Yup, interesting shade of red, that._ For the first time in what felt like forever, a wicked grin played along my lips. Here I was, hurt, moving more clumsily than an old woman, with bruises that were probably in shades of purple that hadn't been invented yet. But Natsuki was fussing over me in nothing but a towel, she was taking my clothes off, and everything between us seemed back to normal. At this moment, I recognized that I was ridiculously happy. It didn't matter how I got here or even that I was injured. I wouldn't give up this time with her or this feeling for the world.

This was the moment when I surrendered to the truth. Natsuki was important, perhaps even vital, to my well-being. I think - no, I was certain - that I was falling for her.

_Wonderful_, another part of me groaned, _turn into a stereotype, why don't you?_ An Otome torn between love and duty was the stuff of a hundred badly written romances. They warned us when we first entered, when they presented us with our first gem as Corals. The teachers said it in different ways but the meaning was always the same: To become an Otome means to give up any chance at love or personal happiness. A fully trained Meister Otome, whose life is tied to a master's, sacrifices her personal dreams.

I flinched as gentle fingers fleetingly traced the newly-revealed bruises on my back and sides. Natsuki sucked in a shocked breath. "I knew it. When you got knocked into that column during the last round, you broke your ribs, didn't you?"

"Don't exaggerate," I replied primly, as Natsuki carefully wrapped a large towel around my unclothed form and guided me to a bench. "The doctor says they were only cracked."

My attempt at humor only seemed to annoy her. "I'll never understand you. Why did you stand up as if your injuries were nothing?" she demanded. "You took a bath this late so the others wouldn't see how hurt you were, didn't you?"

"Natsuki..."

She let out an aggrieved sigh. "Sorry. You're injured, so this isn't the time for a discussion." She was quiet for awhile, as she took off the towel, poured warm water carefully over me and washed my back and hair and the dust of the day off. When she'd helped me safely into the bath itself, her hands moved to the knot of the towel near her chest. "Is it okay if I...? I wasn't able to earlier."

Suddenly, I could barely catch my breath, and not because of my aching ribs. "Go ahead."

She went through her own preparations for the bath, and I tried - and failed several times - not to watch her. By the time she slipped into the bath with me, I had my eyes closed, mostly to preserve my sanity and, considering how Natsuki felt about these things, to avoid further injury.

"You're not ever going to tell me, are you?" Her words sounded so much like defeat, it tugged at my heart.

I opened my mouth to agree with her. "Let no one see your weakness, if it can be helped."

"Not even people you trust? Your friends?" Natsuki looked away. "...Me?"

She added the last with such uncertainty that I found myself reaching out to cup her cheek. I watched her blush bloom under my fingers. _Especially not you_. _For you I always want to be strong._ But before I could say anything, she spoke again.

"Isn't that too big of a burden, Shizuru? It makes you bear everything alone. Everyone has moments of weakness. Won't you let me help when you do?"

I shut my eyes against an offer that was more tempting than any I had ever faced. I hadn't realized, before Natsuki came along, that I was lonely in the midst of all the people surrounding me.

"Any weakness that you reveal to me will never leave the corners of this room," she said, and I melted at the way she returned my words to me. "Any weakness, at any time and any place. I give you my word."

"Natsuki?" I steeled myself. This was so new to me that in some ways it felt like I was jumping off a cliff. I had never trusted anyone and yet... _I can't hold this part back anymore. _"Can I still follow my heart?"

Her hand found my fingers that were absently tracing her face, and she held them. "Always."

"Will you be... my friend?" I knew that this time, I was the one turning red.

The smile on her face was as brilliant as the sun. "Always," she affirmed.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN #2:**_ To everyone who reviewed, a big thank you! Special mention to those guests who I couldn't reply to. Hope you like this update too. =)


	3. Chapter 3 - The Field Trip

**THE CORNERS OF THIS ROOM**  
><strong>By: wyback<strong>  
>© 2014<p>

Rating_**:**__ T for now, may be higher later_  
>Disclaimer<em><strong>:<strong>__ Still don't own them anything Otome or HiME-related, just the story below._  
>Distribution<em><strong>:<strong>__ So long as the credits are intact, feel free to save a personal copy or to link to the fic. If you plan to post whole chapters somewhere, just ask. :)_  
>Author'sNotes<em><strong>:<strong>  
>The idea for this chapter came from a scene in Otome which many ShizNat fans probably remember. Thanks to xxmadlaxx for taking the time to beta this fic!<em>

**3: The Past: The Field Trip**

The weeks turned into months, and Natsuki steadily rose in ranking among the Corals. It helped that, though I didn't know it at the time, the battle dance we fought had been both cleared and monitored, and she got credit for that. Now that we were on good terms again, I actively resumed my duties as her oneesama. Sparring with me helped improved her dance, though in all honesty I found our sessions helpful as well. But the biggest progress was in Natsuki's academics. Because she was applying that formidable will to her studies for once, by the end of quarter, she and Mai Tokiha were neck and neck for number one.

Mai did not seem that surprised at this development nor to particularly mind it, but the change did not sit well with most of their classmates. People have difficulty letting go of their preconceptions, and they were used to thinking of Natsuki as a lone wolf who went her own way. This alpha side to her took getting used to, and they didn't always react well. Unlike Mai though, Natsuki was exceedingly direct with her competition. If someone wanted to challenge her for extra points, they could. If she heard about some snide sneakiness afoot, she invited them to a dance. Natsuki fought more dances in those two months than most Corals did in their entire year.

While this seemed a by-product of her temperament, I eventually realized that it was tactical. By taking on all comers and the most skeptical of her classmates first, Natsuki earned their respect. With the school's permission, she was allowed to materialize a weak version of her element instead of the traditional staffs for a few minutes during each dance. Every Coral who faced her guns or watched her dances soon lost their doubts about her right to the rank. No other student at Garderobe had the ability to wield their element completely independent of their robe like that. Any student worth her training knew that they were in the presence of something singular. When she was declared Coral number one for the first time, no one was really that surprised.

"After all," they said, "if she defeated her own oneesama, the number one Pearl..." And yes, I encouraged that news to spread. Although I was initially teased about it by fellow Pearls, I easily rebuffed them by idly suggesting that they could try to face Natsuki's element themselves. Besides, anyone who needed reminding about my skill could always replay my dance with the Gakuencho.

I was proud of her. I filed away, too, the revelation that Natsuki had a talent for strategy, though she exercised hers in a way much different from mine. I saw it in the way she executed her battle dances, whether with others or when we sparred, and in her dealings with her classmates. She was coolly objective and entirely unsentimental, mapping out the pros and cons of her position with a clear eye. She did not pretend to be stronger or weaker than she was, nor that the situation was other than what was on hand. More, it seemed that my attendant had listened to me and was becoming a student of human nature as well. She rarely accepted official explanations at face value, and was always looking for the true objectives underneath. This applied, not only to Garderobe and to the affairs of the outside world, but even to the pronouncements of her fellow students. This wasn't exactly a surprise because Natsuki wasn't trusting by nature, though she made some exceptions for Mai and to some extent myself.

I look back at our first dance with a wry smile now, because hadn't that all been Natsuki? She could've tried to talk to me. But knowing me the way she did, she didn't even consider that. Instead, she convinced the faculty to give her clearance to challenge me and used it at the optimum time. She'd waited until I was so puffed up with victorious self-importance, I hadn't paid attention to the fight until it was too late. Unorthodox plan, meticulous execution.

As for the two of us, it took a while to get back to the way we were. But then we eventually blew past that and got to a point where we were possibly closer than when we started. It wasn't easy. My first instinct was always to deflect any serious discussion about myself. This annoyed Natsuki to no end, but she was nothing if not determined. Gradually, I managed to open up to her, as she did to me.

Well, sometimes. Maybe once a fortnight. When she was persistent. Okay, so it still wasn't easy. Can you blame me?

She took issue with at least one aspect of my life that was in complete contrast with hers. "Finally! Argh, I didn't think your fans were ever going to leave."

"Your forehead is getting wrinkled," I said in my sweetest tone. Natsuki frowned so many times in a day that I'd started calling her on it. I clapped my gloved hands together for warmth. It was so cold, there was actually ice on the ground today. "With you shooting so many death glares at them, I'm surprised any were able to stumble away."

Natsuki shook her toque-covered head and self-consciously tapped the middle of her forehead until the frown was gone. I found this new habit ridiculously cute. "Why do you have to flirt with them all the time? You're only encouraging them to bug you more. My oneesama is an irredeemable pervert," she complained.

I laughed. In the entire time we'd been together, she only called me "oneesama" when she meant to insult me. "Have you ever met my oneesama?"

"No. Anh Lu, wasn't it? She's a Meister Otome for Annam now?"

"Yes, but not just any Meister. She's the epitome of a lady, every bit as refined and graceful as an Otome should be. But if you think that I'm irredeemable...well, let's just say that if she were your oneesama, you'd be washing her back every day of your life."

Natsuki blushed. She'd only done that particular duty twice more, until she was satisfied that I no longer needed assistance. But we had shared a bath only that one time. "That bad?"

"Oh no, Anh-oneesama really is a lady. Unless you let her drink. Then she likes seeing women in as little clothing as possible."

"Shizuru, um. Does that mean you...?"

I felt a band of warmth cross my cheeks. _This would be one of those fortnights._ "Only to a certain extent. I did like her, and she was good to me. She sparred with me a lot and helped me with my element. But we never went too far, because she believed that an Otome should be a maiden. She was my first kiss and first of many things though, and I was glad about that because there was no hidden agenda with her. We were just enjoying ourselves, and I learned that I liked women." I continued to walk until I realized, belatedly, that my companion had fallen behind. "Is it so cold that Natsuki's boots have frozen to the ground?"

"Uh no, sorry." She shook the ice off her boots and came up until we were walking side by side again.

I glanced at her suspiciously. "Is this one of those things that Natsuki needs time and a ridiculously long walk to get used to?"

"No, I -" she cleared her throat. "You just caught me by surprise, that's all."

"That I like women?"

"That you told me." She gave me one of her rare smiles. "Thanks for telling me."

I shook my head. "It's not like it's a secret. You could've figured it out on your own since, as you keep pointing out, you've seen me flirt."

"So flirting is because you like girls?"

"I flirt with girls because I like them, yes. It's a fun way of showing appreciation, and I appreciate beauty." Not to mention, it was one of the few areas where I'd been allowed to do as I liked. My family saw no harm in it, and when applied with the right wit, it was a useful social tool. I found it relaxing. That it went well with the facade I presented to the world was a plus.

"You don't really flirt with me though."

Now she was the one who stopped me in my tracks. "Of course I do."

"No, you tease me incessantly," she pointed out. "You hug me a lot and embarrass the life out of me, but it's not the same thing, is it? You don't do it to anyone else. Not like that, anyway."

I looked away. "Natsuki is...special." In my mind's eye, I saw her again as she sat across from me in the bath, the way her hair kept escaping it's knot and the pink tint to her skin from the heated water. "And beautiful beyond words."

When I had the courage to return my gaze to her, I saw that her eyes were riveted on me. "Shizuru...?" she whispered.

"Oi, Shizuru!" Haruka ran up to us. "Oh excuse me, Natsuki-san, but I have to steal her. What're you doing out here, you bubuzuke? Don't you remember that we have a meeting with the faculty?"

_Saved by a banal Trias function._ "Ara, I forgot. Sorry." Only of course I hadn't. I knew Haruka would look for me sooner or later, because she liked being early for these things. Her timing was excellent. "I'll see you later, Natsuki. Or maybe tomorrow. I won't need anything tonight. We're having dinner with the faculty."

Natsuki merely nodded, but I could feel her considering gaze upon me until Haruka and I turned a corner, and we were out of sight.

How did those sports people put it, the ones my father liked to watch? _Your serve, Natsuki._

* * *

><p>But we didn't get the chance to speak again until long after. The school announced the date for the Corals' long distance survival hike, sardonically referred to as the "field trip." Both Corals and Pearls, especially the Trias, became busy with the preparations. This year, it would take place in the mountains to the north, and the cold spell would be part of the test.<p>

I didn't like the idea much. In summer or spring, the field trip is usually a hundred-mile trek through difficult terrain. While they'd halved the distance out of consideration for the weather, for me the cold had too many unforeseen complications. Windbloom rarely saw a winter with snow, and several students came from countries that didn't have winter at all.

My only consolation was that the three Pearls of the Trias would assist in monitoring the field trip. At least I could sort of keep an eye on Natsuki. The Deputy Headmistress, the third Pillar, also flew in to help.

It turned out worse than I feared. A small snowstorm came out of nowhere, pelted the mountain, and turned the event into one of the worst field trips in recent Garderobe history. More than half the students didn't make it to the end, and that included Natsuki. I'll never forget how I felt when her distress signal lit up the screen. Natsuki wasn't paired with Mai, else I might have worried less, but with another Coral she didn't know very well.

It took all my control not to materialize and fly off right then and there. I glanced helplessly at Haruka. Because I was Natsuki's oneesama, Haruka was assigned to monitor them. She took one look at me and brusquely said, "C'mon bubuzuke, be useful for once and help me."

Sometimes I could kiss my brash roommate. We activated our robes and flew towards the place indicated by the signal. The cold assailed us immediately, but I didn't care. Precious minutes passed while our robe-enhanced sights scanned the ground for signs of human life.

"There!" I shouted, when a thermal reading showed heat in the area where Natsuki was supposed to be. There was a small cave - no more than several feet of space gouged into the rock - but it offered shelter.

I landed, deactivated my robe and ran inside, Haruka close behind me. I spotted them immediately, two shapes forming one lump inside a sleeping bag. "Natsuki!" To my relief one of the figures stirred at my call. I quickly unzipped the sleeping bag so we could check their condition.

Our jaws fell open at the sight that greeted us. The two girls huddled closely together were almost naked within the sleeping bag.

"They're..." Haruka was momentarily speechless. "At a time like this?!"

Natsuki blearily looked up into the twin glares of her upperclassmen. She blinked, glanced down at herself, then at the girl next to her, and only then understood what we were thinking. In typical fashion, she panicked. "No, no, it's a survival technique! We were taught about it before we left. She's never gone through winter. She didn't wear or bring any thermals, our matches got wet, and there was no other way to keep warm -"

How convinced we were by this hurried, stumbling explanation was underscored by the accusing look Haruka tossed my way. "She's picking up bad habits from you, Shizuru."

I held back a snarl with difficulty. _Oh sure, because I like planning ways in which Natsuki ends up naked with girls other than me! _ Instead I managed, barely, to give her the response she expected - I shook my head with a forgiving, even indulgent "girls will be girls" smile.

We bundled the Corals into the warmest clothes at hand. The second they were decent, Haruka hefted Natsuki's semi-conscious classmate and prepared to take off. She was still fired up with moral indignation, and I knew that I only had seconds to act before the story spread like wildfire.

"Haruka, if we say anything about this before we figure out what really happened..." I think it was my tone that caught her. I had never once spoken to her as seriously as I did now, but then this wasn't about me. This was about Natsuki, whom people were only beginning to see in a new light. This incident wouldn't matter in a few years or even a few months, but at this time it might be damaging. "It wouldn't do to make a big fuss if they were just following the teachers' instructions, right?" I added lightly. Invoking the faculty would at least make her a little more willing to verify the facts.

The second Trias grimaced, nodded, and flew off without another word.

Behind me, I heard the rustle of things being put away. By the time I turned back to her, Natsuki was on her feet with the packs and rolled sleeping bag stowed beside her.

"Bring only what you need and leave the rest. Someone will pick them up later." My words were clipped as I materialized my robe and prepared to carry her.

She balked at my outstretched arms. "Er, you don't have to - I mean, I'm probably strong enough to -"

"Natsuki." I'm not sure what was colder, my tone or the wind blowing outside. I couldn't even summon a smile. If there was one time when I addressed her completely as her oneesama, with the small amount of authority that might imply, this was it. "Don't argue. Just...don't."

We flew back in grim silence. Under other circumstances, I might have enjoyed our first flight together. My bashful Coral was wrapped tightly in my embrace and clinging to me out of necessity. I might have teased her without mercy and threatened to drop her in the snow if she squirmed too much. But after my worry for her, the image of a half-naked Nastuki with her arms cradled protectively around another was like a slap in the face.

The ice-laden wind howled around us and I felt her shiver and bury her head for protection in the crook of my neck. "Shizuru," her voice was faint against the rushing wind, "are you very disappointed in me?"

"Ara, if Natsuki wanted to sleep naked with a girl, all she had to do was ask." Too bad I was only half-joking.

"D-dummy! That's not what I meant! I didn't finish. That means I'll fall in the rankings."

She sounded so dejected that I spared her a quick glance. Had I heard right? "Since when do you care about rank?"

But she only shook her head and clamped her mouth shut.

When we got back to the camp, we found it teeming with evacuated students. Many of them were injured and in much worse shape than Natsuki, and so needed attention first. But the doctor also diagnosed Natsuki with mild hypothermia and said that she had to rest somewhere warm and be monitored for more serious symptoms throughout the night. Several other Corals were similarly situated or simply suffering from exhaustion.

After surveying the situation, I had an idea and contacted family friends who had holdings in the area. It turned out that they had a place they used for vacations nearby. Because things were in such chaos and resources stretched thin, I was granted permission to bring Natsuki and those similarly situated there.

The mountain retreat was located on a plateau near the base of the mountain. The compound held two structures: a sizable two story wooden house, and a rustic, single bedroom cottage that was probably the original building. I gave the other Corals, who mainly needed rest in a hospitable environment, free reign over the large house. Our newish teacher-chaperone, who was also exhausted by this point, stayed to oversee the large group. Because everyone mostly needed time so the nanomachines could work on their healing, we agreed to assemble at lunch instead of breakfast the next day.

I took Natsuki to the small cottage with a promise to look after her and call for help if necessary. I locked the door behind us. Did I do it as a precaution because we were in strange surroundings? Yes, but the greater truth was this - I was burning with jealousy and I wanted to be alone with her.

And yet I was worried about her condition too. It was this part of me that ignored Natsuki's protests, made sure that she was dry, and helped her to dress quickly in a warm, clean set of sweater and tracksuit pants. Thankfully, there was a fireplace in the bedroom and the room soon felt cozy from the roaring fire. When Natsuki was safely under the covers, I piled several more blankets over her. From the few items in the kitchen cupboard, I was able to prepare hot miso soup, biscuits and even a pot of relaxing herbal tea. Being able to provide a passable meal within limited means was a standard part of Otome training. I placed the tray on the bed and told Natsuki to take her fill while I took a shower in the Western-style bathroom.

The warm water that spilled over me felt almost luxurious after the sparse conditions of the mountain camp. Now that I was alone and Natsuki's basic needs were provided for, I allowed free rein to my thoughts and feelings.

It barely mattered that my short conversation with the doctor bore Natsuki's story out. The fact was some strange girl had gotten to a place with Natsuki that I hadn't. I'd teased her, surprised her with embraces, and I knew the softness of her cheeks and the tougher skin of her hands. But for the rest, Natsuki was so **goddamn** proper. And now some girl had lain with her, in a scene that might have easily proclaimed them lovers if not for the circumstances.

_But then I didn't even really know the circumstances, did I?_ I knew how Natsuki was with me, that's all. _What if she and the girl really were lovers?_ A wry grin curved my lips. _Natsuki?_ _Okay, so maybe that's not that likely. _But I wanted some proof that it wasn't so, proof that I mattered to Natsuki more. I wanted - I wanted her. I had from the start, and that was before I felt the way I did for her now.

The image flashed before me again - the image seared into my brain - Natsuki in barely any clothes protectively embracing that girl. _Why not me? _My palm slapped in frustration against the tile wall. _Why have you never held me like that? What am I to you, Natsuki? A friend? Your graceful, impossible oneesama? Is that all I will ever be to you? _I burned with the need to know once and for all.

_If this were any other girl..._ I knew the steps then, the signals given and acknowledged. The signs, both subtle and obvious, to another kind of dance, the kind that led to stolen moments and rumpled sheets. _And if I did give her a sign? _A strong one, so that Natsuki would have no doubt about my intentions? She was just in the next room, and we were alone. A chance like this might never come again.

It was almost instinctive, what followed. I dried myself and rummaged among my things until I found the piece of clothing that I was looking for. I smiled as I slipped it on. I hadn't really thought I'd be able to use it, but it took little enough room that I'd brought it along just in case. From the spare bathroom closet, I found a fluffy cotton robe and donned it over what I was wearing. _You're in for a surprise, my heya-gakkari._

I was pleased to see that by this time Natsuki had finished most of her food and tea. She'd left the tray on a nearby table, and was halfway to dozing. Her eyes were half-lidded as they watched the flames dancing in the brick fireplace.

"Do you mind if I sleep here?" I asked, indicating the empty space next to her. "There's only one bed."

She nodded drowsily, already comfortably ensconced in the bed. But when I undid the belt of the robe and started to shed it, her eyes popped open. I let the robe fall to the floor, feeling ever wider eyes on me as the folds of thick cotton slowly fell away to reveal the scant lavender camisole I was wearing underneath. It barely covered my breasts and stretched only to the top of my thighs. Normally, I used it whenever I wanted a camisole that I could tuck into my skirt. But not tonight.

"W-what are you wearing?!" Natsuki stuttered as she gaped at me. "You'll freeze to death!"

"Not if I stay here," I corrected as I slid under the sheets next to her. What I was wearing shouldn't have mattered since by now Natsuki had already seen much more of me. But to wear this when we were sharing a bed made it...suggestive. "The doctor did advise that this was a proper way to keep warm."

"I told you!" she rallied enough to exclaim, still indignant about the assumptions Haruka and I had made.

"Then you know that for this to work, the contact should be skin to skin," I said lightly. I was next to her but there were inches between us yet. "Natsuki is still shivering." I leaned over and trailed my mouth close to her ear. "I only want to keep you warm while we sleep. If you allowed it with that girl, won't you let me?" _Do you trust me, Natsuki? Do I trust myself?_ I'd never done this, lay next to someone clad in so little without knowing the outcome. Before, with Anh, with other girls, the rules had always been clear.

"Shi-shizuru..." She didn't immediately jerk back as she once might have. Instead, she seemed frozen in place. It had been a long time since she'd said my name that way though, with so much uncertainty.

A part of me - the part that I rarely showed to Natsuki - observed that she was wavering, and if I pushed a little further who knew where this would lead? I moved closer and now I was almost hovering over her. Her lips were inches away. She was flushed, and her eyes were wide and deeply green, the pupils narrowed to near-pinpoints as they stared at me...

_...in trepidation_. My chest clenched as I searched her eyes, but there was no mistaking the emotion. _She's...afraid of me? But why? _I wanted to cry. _What have I ever done to - _

_Oh really, _the familiar acerbic voice broke in, the one that never let me lie to myself, _you're going to pull that? Exactly what are you doing now?_

I drew back with a flush of shame. Natsuki was still recovering from her ordeal and I was supposed to be taking care of her. I prided myself on my feelings for her and yet here I was, so blinded that I'd allowed my actions to be dictated by jealousy, when this was obviously neither the time nor the place for it.

Neither of us said anything for a minute. We lay side by side and stared up at the wooden ceiling while the the sounds of the crackling fire filled the room. Then, to my horror, I found myself saying, "I envy that girl, you know."

"Who?" For a second, Natsuki didn't even seem to know what I was talking about. "Oh. Why?"

"Because she got that close to you." There it went again. _What the hell was it with this truth thing?!_ What an awful development, if my heya gakkari managed to instill such a habit in me.

"Argh, it wasn't like that!" Natsuki sounded like she was this close to tearing her hair out. Why didn't anyone believe her? "She was freezing, okay? She almost passed out. We couldn't even light a fire!"

"I know you only did what was needed. Ara, forgive me, I'm being silly." Embarrassed beyond belief, I threw the blanket aside and moved to pick my robe up from the floor.

A hand on my arm stopped me. I looked back at Natsuki in surprise. Her face was tinted red, but I couldn't tell if it was from the heat of the room or something else. Then, in a move I would've never been able to predict, she sat up, grabbed the hem of her thick sweater and lifted it off. This left her torso clad only in a thin tank top, and for a moment she held the sweater self-consciously in front of her chest.

"If it's only to keep warm, then..." She dropped the garment, and burrowed back under the sheets. Uncertain eyes the color of evergreens pinned me in place. "I'm so very cold, Shizuru. The ice, those winds - I've never been so cold in my life." There was a pleading note in her voice. This girl, who was so conscious about these things and who could not be unaware of my desire for her, was choosing to trust me in her weakened state.

"Natsuki..." If I'd wanted proof, then here it as. _What greater proof could I have than this?_ My jealousy whittled away to nothing, and in its place there was only concern and a determination to be worthy of her faith. "Do you want to, maybe...turn on your side?"

My heart skipped a beat as she moved to comply, and I nearly laughed when I realized that I was more nervous now than when I'd stepped out of the bath. I had never touched her body without the barrier of layers of clothes, and she had been very careful about touching mine. But there was no way now that we could lie together and avoid full body contact, especially if we were going to sleep like this. She faced away from me, and I lay behind along the length of her until our bodies were pressed close. I loosely circled my right arm around her waist. "Is this okay?" I asked softly.

Her body shifted a little until she was settled comfortably against me. "Y-yeah."

She was so incredibly warm, this girl her classmates called an ice princess. And though I was the one holding her, still I felt like I was the one surrounded by her - her warmth, her scent, the stray strands of gorgeous black hair that tickled my face. I had never felt such peace or comfort."Good night, Natsuki."

"Good night, Shizuru."

And that was how we spent our first night together.

* * *

><p>In the morning, Natsuki seemed much better. She protested when I got up first and slipped on my robe to make breakfast. As my heya gakkari, she often prepared meals for me, not the other way around. I shushed her and told her to sleep some more if she could. Besides, I make better tea.<p>

She wasn't asleep when I got back to the room, though. She'd put her sweater back on, gotten to her feet, and was quietly staring out the window. The storm last night had left snow on the trees and the ground, but the sky outside was a rich and clear blue so pristine that it drew my eyes too. Natsuki seemed lost in thought as she stood there. Little did I know how familiar I would become with this pose.

She was so preoccupied that she started when I poured tea and handed her a cup. "Thank you. Um, tea, not coffee?" There was a grateful but faint entreaty in her question.

_Natsuki sure can pout like a lost puppy._ "The doctor said no caffeine until we're sure you don't have hypothermia anymore," I reminded her. "The tea is herbal, like last night."

She sighed, but took a sip without further complaint. Then she looked at her cup in surprise. "This - this is actually good!"

I quirked an eyebrow at her. "Natsuki doesn't have to sound so astonished. I did prepare it."

"S-sorry."

"What's wrong?" I prompted.

"Nothing," she claimed, but quickly saw how little that convinced me. "I was just thinking."

I sipped my tea - I always found freshly steeped, hot tea soothing - and remembered her strange response the night before. "Are you still worried about the rankings? You nearly froze to death and you're still thinking about that? Is beating Mai-san that important to you?"

"What? Of course not, I don't care about that!" She hesitated, then continued in a smaller voice, "But you do so...it matters."

I looked at her like she'd grown two heads. "Your ranking has never mattered to me, Natsuki."

There was that frown again. "Of course it does. You said I needed to push myself."

"Because you did. But I never cared what number they assigned to you."

"But wasn't that the reason why we - why you decided -" Suddenly she was looking everywhere but at me. "You got tired of having such an unremarkable attendant back then, didn't you?"

My expression must've conveyed my complete bewilderment because she stopped there. "I'm absolutely sure I never expressed such a ridiculous sentiment."

She turned her gaze back to the window and the view of the slopes and snow-laden evergreen trees outside. "'Shizuru-oneesama is very kind, to have stayed with that girl as long as she has,'" she mimicked. "That's what they were saying back then."

I placed my cup down with an unusual clatter. "Who said that?!" I asked angrily. "Tell me, and I'll -"

"It doesn't matter," she cut in. "Anyway," she sighed, "it wasn't just one person. They were all thinking it."

_And of course you did too_. "Natsuki..." I thought back to the girl last night, who'd been half-passed out from the cold but whose only question was whether I was disappointed in her. I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, much as I had done last night. Her body stiffened for a moment, then relaxed into my loose embrace. "Do you really have no idea how proud I am of you and of what you've accomplished? I couldn't ask for a better heya gakkari. It's true that ranking is useful. You're noticed. When someone is called first, second, third, people pay attention right away. But more important than that is what comes after. How will you contribute in the long run? Will you become an Otome of dignity and honor, day after day? These are questions you would answer well, whatever number they assigned to you."

I rested my chin on her shoulder. "As for me personally? Meeting you, having you as my attendant and friend - nothing in my time at Garderobe has made me happier or enriched my life more."

"Then why did you turn away from me like that?" Her tone couldn't hide how much it hurt back then, and there was an echo too that hinted at how much it hurt her still.

And that was when I gave up my secrets at last. In the face of her pain, none of it seemed to matter. I had done something unforgivable; I had made Natsuki doubt herself. That was a situation I couldn't bear for her to be in, if it could be helped. I...loved her too much for that.

At first, she had a hard time believing the tale I spun. She was familiar with ambition. Most families and countries pushed the most promising of their daughters into training for Garderobe. But she couldn't wrap her head around the degree to which it had been done to me. How could a family willingly offer their own daughter up like that, like a sacrifice on the altar of their aspirations? I couldn't explain it; I only know that they did. I wasn't a child to them but an investment.

I told her pieces of stories from my life before Garderobe: the first time I broke my arm at eight, practicing a maneuver meant for an adult, the second time at ten, the third and last one at thirteen - all perfectly healed thanks to my family's resourceful physicians. I told her how I was deliberately kept distant from immediate family and relatives, because I wasn't supposed to form unnecessary attachments. I talked about the parties where my behavior was picked apart after, the humiliation heaped upon me when I failed. Then the constant tests they'd put me through as I grew older, not just physical ones but tests to charm and manipulate. That was what my life had been like, day after day, until I entered Garderobe. Not that the process completely ended there. My accomplishments were still monitored and pored over, my success expected, even criticized if it seemed that I had somehow fallen short.

At some point we moved to sit on the bed, and then we ended up lying down on our sides, facing each other. We talked, or mostly I talked, until my voice was hoarse and I felt my eyes sting. But I refused to cry. I'd shed so many tears because of my family already, at some point I'd sworn I wouldn't again.

Near the end, Natsuki wondered, "But then...where did I fit in all of that?"

I gave her one of my real smiles, a wry one. "Nowhere. You're the test that I failed. I was never supposed to let anyone this close, Natsuki. But you saw through me and I...let you."

"Shizuru, I... The corners of this room, right?" she murmured the words almost to herself. "I want to tell you about my cousin."

And then it was her turn. She'd had an older cousin, a warm, cheerful, wonderful girl that Natsuki idolized when she was younger. Her cousin became an Otome for Aries, and this was during the period when there was constant trouble along their borders. Ignoring available intelligence, her master, a newly promoted general, sent her on a patrol by herself.

"Everyone knew how dangerous the borders were back then. My cousin herself told me stories about the Slaves of the Black Letter who suddenly appeared and attacked out of nowhere. So I know she would've never gone on that patrol without backup. But her master was looking to make his mark and show off, and he ordered her to." Her eyes turned distant, and I knew that she was lost in the past. "When they held the funeral, the casket was closed. My cousin was this tall, beautiful girl with hair that spilled nearly down to her waist. But when we buried her, everything in that casket could've been scraped into an urn. And all because of some master's ego and stupidity."

"So that's why..." No wonder Natsuki had been so reluctant. I ran my index finger down her cheek, and that brought her gaze back to the present, and to me. "Why did you apply to Garderobe then?"

"Tradition." She nearly spat the word out. "Many Krugers have been Otomes. When my cousin died, it was either me or they would begin grooming my younger sister, Alyssa. So I said I'd go, even if in my heart I know I can never blindly follow a master. When I made it into Garderobe, I swore I wouldn't trust anyone. But I couldn't drop out either because then they would still turn to Alyssa. So my plan was to do just enough to satisfy my family and country's need for another Otome. Holding back came naturally to me anyway, because I was torn in different directions."

"But then I met you," the deep emerald gaze locked with mine, "and suddenly I wanted other things. You didn't even know me back then, but the first time I saw your battle dance, Shizuru... There were moments during that fight when it was all I could do to hold my breath. I was so taken by your power and speed, and the grace of your every move. I didn't know until then that a battle could be both deadly and beautiful. So when you agreed to make me your heya gakkari, I wanted to shine in your eyes. I wanted to be found worthy. You told me to decide, and I did. And now -"

"Now Natsuki will not become simply one of several Otomes in her country." _Her eyes were so sad, so torn_. I wanted to comfort her, but I could only tell her the truth. "If you continue down this path, you will be a Meister who will serve a king or a queen."

Natsuki's laughter dripped with acrimony. "We don't have kings in the republic of Aries. But my mother is running for President soon."

"Natsuki..." I wanted to say something, anything that could help her, but what could I do? "It seems Haruka was right then. I have been a bad influence on you."

She would have none of it. "No, it was my choice," she maintained firmly. "I don't regret a single day we've spent together, Shizuru. Since my cousin passed and I became aware of my family's expectations, I didn't want anything to do with other people, or to get close to anyone or anything to do with Otomes. I felt so bitter and alone when I entered Garderobe, and I fully expected to finish the same way. But you changed everything."

_In a way that might be worse for you._ "It's not too late to return to your plan, if that's your wish."

She sighed. "I can't do that anymore either. Between you and Mai, I can't pretend to be less than I am. Besides, there's a certain...thrill to it, I guess."

I watched the telltale color spark in her cheeks. "Ah, so Natsuki likes being a badass."

She threw me a look of such profound innocence that for once I knew I was going to get as good as I gave. "My irredeemable oneesama wouldn't want me any other way."

I barely restrained a shiver at her declaration. Whether deliberate or from instinct, she had spoken in that husky half-growl that turned my knees into water. I caught the hint of a grin at the corner of her lips, and that just added to my surprise. Natsuki had a streak of mischief but she was being...playful?! With me, about this? _So you did catch the signals I was giving last night._ Too bad her triumph was going to be short-lived. For a second, I let my mask drop completely, and looked at her with eyes richly ambered by unrestrained desire. "Your oneesama," I breathed, as I trailed a finger along the supine arm closest to me, "wants you any way she can get."

She was blushing even before all the words were out. "Shizuru!" she complained.

I chuckled, content with my victory. To my relief, a wide, if somewhat abashed, grin lit up her face in response. "So what do we do now?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Continue as we are, I guess." Her eyes dropped to the area between us, and her hand began to pick at the looser threads of the sheets. "I didn't think these days would pass so fast. I want to make up for lost time and enjoy as much of them as I can, with Mai, with you. I mean, if you'd like to," she trailed off, my shy heya gakkari once more.

_So she was thinking about it too._ In a few months the school year would be over, and we would have to part ways. Once I ascended to Meister, even if we managed to see each other again, chances are we wouldn't be able to spend time together like this. I didn't know where duty would take me. By next year, neither would she. The thought was like a fist over my heart. But this moment didn't have to be about that. I smiled at her, and reached out with one hand to cup her cheek. "Spend each of these next months with my Natsuki? There's nothing I'd like more."

We got up soon after, finished our meal, put the cottage in order, and joined the other students. By the end of the day, everyone was back at Garderobe.

Only much later did I recall what I'd let slip. _Wishful thinking, Shizuru_. Still, in the solitude of my room, I couldn't help but repeat them. I savored the taste of her name as they passed my lips. "My Natsuki..."

Somehow it felt right.

I closed my eyes, and let the sense of her fill me - her scent, the shape and warmth of her next to me last night, and the precious trust she had granted me today. The process of falling was done.

* * *

><p>AN #2:

Liked it? No? Please let me know. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed and favorited! I didn't expect this much feedback and I'm grateful. To the guest who caught the references to the Pillars, I was wondering when someone would catch that. ;) Thanks and don't worry, I know. I put it there to telegraph a plot twist I was considering, but removed it for now because the story seems to be moving in a slightly different direction. I'm also aware that the official term is Columns but Pillars sounds better to me (mainly because saying "Columns" several times in a row reminds me of that creepy halfling from Mordor). If that bothers anyone, just pretend that the students/faculty refer to themselves as "Pillars" in the same way they refer to their survival hike as a "field trip." On updates, I need your patience, guys. My beta and I both have jobs that can get busy, and as it is everyone who knows me has been surprised that I've sustained this pace. Really, I've only been able to keep to this pace because of the response from all of you. It does feed the muse. ;) Maybe it contributed to why this chapter is longer too.


	4. Chapter 4 - Approaching Ascension

**THE CORNERS OF THIS ROOM  
>By: wyback<strong>  
>© 2014<p>

Rating_**:**__ T for now, may be higher later  
><em>Disclaimer_**:**__ Still don't own them anything Otome or HiME-related, just the story below._  
>Distribution<em><strong>:<strong>__ So long as the credits are intact, feel free to save a personal copy or to link to the fic. If you plan to post whole chapters somewhere, just ask. :)_  
>Author'sNotes<em><strong>: <strong>__T__hanks to xxmadlaxx, who took a little time from her incredibly busy schedule to beta this fic!_

**4. The Past: Approaching Ascension**

The succeeding days passed quickly, not just for Natsuki and me, but for all of us.

During this time - and I'm sure she'd be none too pleased with this description - Natsuki emerged from winter like one of the flowers in Garderobe's gardens coming into bloom. The aftermath of her field trip seemed to lift a burden from her and she became more at ease with herself. She no longer worried about ranking, though she eased comfortably back into the Coral number two spot. She concentrated instead on improving the holes we saw in her dance, and took a deeper interest in the aspects of her studies that genuinely interested her, like history, tactics, and the sciences. True to her word, she participated in more activities with Mai and with me. Not that she became a social butterfly, because there was a part of her that was naturally more reserved, but enough so that her fellow Corals, some of the Pearls like Haruka, and a few teachers got to know her better.

"Let's take a picture!" the ever-cheerful Mai said at one impromptu gathering that several Corals and the Trias Pearls held after exams. Mai made sure that everyone in the group got a copy, and I believe most of us have kept it to this day. But no one holds it dearer than Natsuki, who brings a copy of that picture wherever she goes.

Anyone who saw it would think it nothing special, just a bunch of girls smiling or posing awkwardly like Natsuki, but it was that very ordinariness that made it remarkable. But for our distinctive Garderobe uniforms, we could've been a group of students at any school. We weren't though, and what that picture captured was a rare, snatched moment of normalcy. All of the girls in that picture became Otomes.

As the Garderobe year wound down and the final demands on the Pearls to prove themselves ratcheted up, Natsuki and I found ways to spend time together. Mostly this consisted of meals Natsuki brought to my room, which eventually became her lunch or dinner as well as mine. Then there was the weekend when she showed up on my doorstep with a picnic basket.

By this time, Natsuki had a good idea of the work I actually did as first Pearl. She once observed that I had a gift for making it seem near effortless since, outside of battle, I cultivated an air of serene composure. But the truth is no one at any school or elsewhere with fair standards magically receives accolades. This is especially true at Garderobe, where the criteria are so rigorous that only a quarter to a third of the Corals make it to Meister. To maintain my ranking and duties as a Trias took a great deal of study, unrelenting practice, and attention not just to my personal affairs but to those of the student body as well. The trick was to prioritize. Unlike Haruka, I didn't jump at every problem but saved my efforts for those that mattered or needed immediate attention. That said, one thing Natsuki and I did have in common was that once we decided on a course of action, we tended not do things halfway. Natsuki was just more obvious about it.

So time was the last resource I had to spare in these last, hectic months, and when I saw what Natsuki had in mind, I was unenthusiastic. Of course I tried to refuse as diplomatically as possible. "A picnic? Natsuki is very thoughtful but with all of these assignments and other matters..."

She didn't even let me finish. "It's lunch. Aren't you going to eat anyway? What's the difference between taking it in here or outdoors?"

The difference, as she very well knew, was that in my room I could consume my lunch in minutes and proceed with the work at hand. Outside, on this fine clear day with Natsuki? The temptation to linger would be too great. The rational choice, considering the pile of work on my desk, was to refuse.

Some minute tell must've given me away, because Natsuki looked up from the basket in her hands with a resolute expression. "I'm calling it in," she declared.

"Calling what?" I asked in utter confusion.

"Didn't you say that you'd spend these months with me?" She sounded testy but there was a pink tinge on her cheeks. Then, more softly, "You're too stressed, Shizuru. Besides, most everyone is going into the city today to watch the royal procession. The gardens will be free, but if you're really too busy..."

She meant that this might be one of the few times that we could spend together on the grounds and be reasonably assured of privacy. I was a Trias and had my admirers, and whether Natsuki admitted it or not, she was starting to gather hers. For both of us to be left alone for any length of time in public was becoming an increasingly rare occurrence.

Some inner chibi version of me was already jumping up and down at the possibility. "Too busy for my Natsuki? That will be the day," I conceded with a smile. "Lead the way."

Contrary to popular belief, my heya-gakkari preferred to plan ahead whenever possible. So I wasn't surprised that she'd already staked out a secluded spot under an ancient oak tree with sturdy branches so far-reaching that they offered plenty of shade. Natsuki set the basket down on a waterproof picnic mat that could've easily accommodated four. The picnic lunch itself was simple but satisfying fare, tasty sandwiches cut into manageable triangles, succulently ripe apples and a surprise treat - bottles of an ice-cold lemon-orange drink that relatives had sent to her. Natsuki didn't bother with glasses, just twisted the caps off the bottles and handed one to me.

But that wasn't the real surprise, as I discovered when my tongue teased out the light but distinct flavor of alcohol along with the sweetly tangy juice. I quirked a brow at her.

"I may have spiked it a little," Natsuki confirmed with a grin of total mischief. She bit into her apple with a satisfying crunch, then took a long sip of her own.

_This girl...!_ "Delinquent," I called fondly. It was my favorite way of teasing her about her meteoric rise in ranking.

"My irredeemable oneesama likes me that way," she tossed back. After the field trip, it was the one tease she didn't have trouble returning.

_You have no idea._ "Ara, are you trying to sabotage your oneesama's studies? That would make Haruka very happy." It was no secret that Haruka harbored hopes for a last-minute upset that would see her finish as first Pearl.

"I'm trying to make sure you don't suffer a nervous breakdown," Natsuki huffed as she clinked her bottle to mine. "Honestly, what would it hurt if you took the afternoon off for once? It's the weekend. Just lie on the grass and stare at the sky for awhile, like every student does sometimes." She patted the mat and demonstrated what she meant by collapsing back and dramatically flinging her arms out.

I watched the prone form for a second before impulsively copying her and lying down as well, though I kept my arms to my sides. _How strange_, I thought as the position altered my perspective completely. There was the crinkle of grass pushing up against my back and the minute adjustment of soil beneath the thin mat to accommodate my form. My pristine uniform would be creased beyond belief when I got up but I didn't care. The bright cerulean sky, furled white clouds, and leaf-strewn branches of the ancient oak filled the entirety of my vision. When I shut my eyes, my senses honed in on the cool breeze that shook the leaves overheard, the twittering of birds above and the buzzing of a bee further off - all the little things that usually faded into the background of everyday life at Garderobe. My awareness expanded to include the girl beside me, the cadence of her breaths, the tiny movements she made. I had been taught to meditate, to center myself, but it was in this moment that I found true serenity_._

"See?" The irascible, adorable girl who often turned my world upside down sounded pleased with herself. "You should do this more often."

I chuckled at the improbability of it. "I haven't done this since I was eight years old." That had been the one unforeseen advantage of breaking my arm back then. That recuperation took time was a fact that my family couldn't change, and that meant that I was able to enjoy my childhood for awhile.

I heard shifting and when I opened my eyes, Natsuki's somber face was blocking part of the sky and filling half my world. "Sometimes you break my heart, Shizuru."

There was compassion but also something incredibly fierce in her gaze, narrowed as it was into icy flints of furious emerald. It took me a moment to decipher that this was anger on my behalf. When I'd first told the story of my upbringing to Natsuki, her primary reaction had been shock. Today her eyes burned, and I had no doubt that if my parents were anywhere in the vicinity, she would've gladly strangled them both. The display brought a tightness to my chest. _How long has it been since anyone displayed such protectiveness towards me?_

I was a capable, self-sufficient person who was more than proficient in a fight, and so most looked to me for protection and not the other way around. And that was perfectly fine, I liked being who I was and being able to take charge. But for someone to make it absolutely clear that my welfare was important to them, that given a chance - _Natsuki will fight for me. _She was strong and tenacious, my match in every way, and she had my back. My throat was tight as I lifted my hand to the near-porcelain cheek that hovered so closely over me. I loved the way it turned ruddy under my touch. "I don't mean to," I whispered.

"Yeah, but..." Self-consciously, Natsuki let the words trail off. She drew back into a seated position with her legs stretched out in front of her, and took another hasty sip of the spiked juice. She stared at the bottle in her hand. "What do you think will happen, a couple of months from now?"

I wondered at the change of topic but acquiesced. "If all goes as expected, I suppose I'll be a Meister soon."

"C'mon, there's no doubt about that. Your accomplishments go well beyond these walls." The wave of my attendant's hand encompassed the world beyond Garderobe. People were fascinated with Otomes, and that included the institution that trained them. Magazines paid heavily for features on its mysterious students, and our graduation dances were often broadcast to the public. My first such dance took place last year when Haruka and I represented the Corals against the graduating Pearls. While we didn't win - no Coral has ever won against a Pearl at those battles - my performance piqued public interest. Since then, there were those who kept track of my deeds at Garderobe. A couple of outsiders had even managed to sneak past the gates for a glimpse of me. The most memorable, because she had been able to slip into the grounds of the school itself and so had caused the most consternation, had been a girl of eight or nine who cutely professed to be a fan of mine.

"There'll be many vying for your hand, kings, queens, heads of state," Natsuki predicted. "Have you thought about who you might accept?"

"Hmm?" I rolled over so that I was lying on my stomach, with my head turned towards her and my folded arms serving as a pillow. "To think about such things when no offer has been made would be the height of presumption, wouldn't you agree?"

"I guess." Natsuki picked at the label on her bottle, scratching away at the colorful design with a thumbnail. "Only...when I think about that happening, walking down the aisle in front of you, and delivering you into the hands of some stranger who gets to dictate the rest of your life..." She avoided my attentive gaze. "I just can't see myself doing that. Not happily, anyway."

She was referring to the ceremony in which a fully trained Meister Otome accepts a master. Natsuki had once traced the elements of the ceremony back for a history paper. In the end, she concluded that the ceremony for Meisters cleverly combined parts of a traditional wedding - with the heya-gakkari serving as the bridesmaid, and the Otome placing the ring partnered to her gem on the master's hand - with the bygone rituals of knights and samurais who presented their swords and swore fealty on bended knee or seiza to their lord. Only our gems - the tiny components that enabled us to control our nanomachines and project our robes - substituted for the swords of those olden days.

"Natsuki." The back of my hand found the forearm closest to me and trailed along the corded muscle there. The gesture softened the mild reproach that followed. "You make it sound like a form of enslavement. It's true that we're trained partly to resemble the flowers in these gardens, but keep in mind that our modest dress, fine manners and pleasantries, even the cooking classes that you hate so much, all serve as a useful camouflage for power. In reality, very few things in this world can stand up to a fully trained Otome. We may answer to a master, but he or she will be tied to us as much as we will be tied to them."

I considered my next words with care. "It doesn't make up for what happened to your cousin in any way, but keep in mind that her master paid for his foolishness with his life. Don't forget what your cousin worked so hard for, what our true purpose is. To serve one's country, to protect one's people, to maintain peace as Otomes have for years - surely even you can't doubt the need. Didn't the royal family almost perish a few years ago without the protection of their Otome?"

Natsuki's sigh sounded like it came from the depths of her being. "I know, and I agree with all of that in theory. But when I think of it actually happening to you -"

"But it won't be just to me," I pointed out in all seriousness. "What will happen in another year, when it's Natsuki's turn, not just to attend to me, but to ascend to Meister herself?"

"That seems so far away."

"Ara, the time will pass sooner than you think," I declared from experience. "Next year, you may be sitting under this tree again, only it will be with your heya-gakkari and she'll be asking these questions from you."

"I can't see that happening either. I mean..." Natsuki ducked her head so that her expressive eyes were hidden. "Do you think this is the same for everyone? That next year I'll form the bond we have with someone else? Because I don't." She said it almost defiantly.

_I will never have this with anyone else._ I hoped I was wrong, but there was conviction behind that feeling. That we had found this at all was surely due to some twist of fate. Nothing else could explain the confluence of factors that brought us together. If Natsuki and I hadn't been who we were when we met, if we had been a few more years apart, if her personality and mine weren't so forceful in such disparate but complementary ways, and if we had been less willing to accommodate the differences between us, we could've easily passed each other by like two ships on the same narrow strip of sea.

But as much as I agreed with her, it wouldn't be right to say so. What was true for me might not be true for Natsuki. She deserved a fair chance at forming a future bond with her heya-gakkari. Besides, the combination of the constant stress of the past days, the meal and the alcohol were making me drowsy. Still, I couldn't let such a golden opportunity slip by completely. "I wonder. Could it be that Natsuki's concerns aren't so much about the system of Meisters, but really about me? Perhaps Natsuki doesn't want to think about giving me away at the ceremony simply because she wishes to keep me for herself?"

A bright red flush instantly traveled from her neck to her cheeks. "Shizuru!"

A last, vague thought surfaced as my eyes fluttered closed, '_Ah but she didn't exactly deny it._' As I sank into my nap, I thought I felt fingers brush through my hair and pull them gently away from my face. But that might've just been a dream.

* * *

><p><em><strong>*Two months later*<strong>_

Another day, another stroll through the gardens. Only this time I was alone, it was late in the evening, and there was less than a fortnight left before the Pearls' ascension. By now, it was clear which of the students were going to receive their Meister gem. All three of the Trias were on the list.

"...strange pair, don't you think?"

The disembodied voice and the sound of footsteps gave me just enough warning to step off of the path and into the shadows of the tall hedges.

"One is so forthright, the other so composed..."

"Perhaps a little too much in both cases... What do you think?"

A third voice, one I knew well, declared, "The Coral has promise, I give you that, but she still lacks grace in her dance..."

The last, I knew right away, was Miss Maria. The familiar complaint was all it took to confirm that the topic of discussion was Natsuki and most likely myself. Being the epitome of Otome tradition, Miss Maria preferred swords and elements suited to close combat since they best displayed the speed and deadly beauty in movement that Otomes were trained for. Natsuki's element, being so close to artillery and best exercised at range, was far too modern and direct for her taste. When the women speaking passed, I was astonished to glimpse, not just Miss Maria, but the Gakuencho and the Deputy Headmistress as well. Of course they were familiar with their top students, but why focus on the two of us specifically?

I might have paid more attention to this intriguing conversation if a more pressing issue wasn't already occupying my mind. The reason I was roaming around the grounds at such an unusual hour in the first place was because I couldn't make up my mind about a certain course of action.

_I want to tell Natsuki how I feel_. Every rational instinct in my head balked at this and judged it to be an extremely bad idea. Sure, Natsuki cared for me a great deal, but she had also turned me down each time I'd tried to express anything remotely non-platonic.

_At least if you tell her, you'll find out where you stand. No one can stay in limbo forever._

_But what if she hates you for it? Remember the first time you tried to kiss her? Why burden her with something she might not want? _

One form or another of those arguments had been cycling through my head for weeks now. It didn't help that my graduation from Garderobe was in sight. Perhaps part of why I wanted to do this in the first place was the very real possibility that this might be my last chance to speak with Natsuki seriously. This constant battle, between what my heart wanted and what my brain kept shooting down, made me lose more sleep in the past week than all the exams and tests before it.

When I eventually returned to my room, the last thing I expected was to find the cause of my distress asleep at my desk. Natsuki had obviously been reading the book that still lay open on the table. The tired Coral had fallen asleep with her chin cradled in her hand.

I shut the door as quietly as I could, thankful that Haruka had been assigned to assist with visiting dignitaries at the royal palace tonight. To see Natsuki in repose was a rare and wonderful sight, the opportunity to savor it even more so. The doubts and constant struggle melted away, leaving only a young girl who was beautifully at peace with herself.

"Natsuki?" I called as I came up behind her, but there was no reaction. I leaned down to wake her, only to be enveloped by the honeyed scent of soap and shampoo. _She must've just come from the baths._ I breathed the enticing scent deep. _Oh Fumi. _Almost of its own accord, my hand tangled with the soft, midnight-dark tresses before me. They spilled like the finest of silk from my fingers.

_If we were lovers, I would wind your beautiful hair around my fingers, and tug them back until I could take your tilted mouth, or rain kisses down your exposed throat..._

Mouth suddenly dry, I released her hair as if I'd been burned and stepped away. I tried to control my breathing and expression as Natsuki stirred. Green eyes blinked slowly and showed first surprise, then chagrin at my presence. "Ugh, sorry, I didn't mean to wink out like that."

Casting about for time to regain my equilibrium, I retreated to a tease. "That's quite alright. Natsuki is cute when she sleeps, even when there's a little drool on her chin." Her hand flew to her mouth in embarrassment, only to fall away when I added, "Just kidding."

She frowned at me in irritation. "Honestly, why do I even bother?"

I gave her one of my best pouts. "Is that any way to talk to your oneesama so close to graduation? Natsuki is so mean."

At other times it might've worked but today Natsuki only rolled her eyes. "To think that I went through all this trouble to give you this." She indicated a large, wrapped package that was leaning next to my bed.

"Ara, what's this? Natsuki got me a present?" I asked in surprise. I sat down on the bed and placed the package across my lap. "What can this be? It's so long and the girth is...impressive."

My poor, put upon heya-gakkari groaned at my wide, devilish smirk. "Just open it already," she growled.

"But really, this seems extravagant," I said a touch seriously.

"You are graduating," she pointed out gruffly, "and I wasn't able to give you anything on your birthday so..." That had been the time when we'd been apart. "I know it's early for a graduation gift, but it came today and it's too big to hide successfully. Besides, I thought you might want to try it out sooner rather than later."

"Natsuki didn't have to," I smiled at her in genuine delight, "but thank you." Intrigued, I made quick work of the wrapping and the box inside. There was a hard case with snaps that turned out to be a top cover of some kind. When I finally unlatched it, black and white keys, a little smaller and stretching fewer octaves than the usual, gleamed up at me. My mouth fell open. "You got me a keyboard!"

"Not just a keyboard, this is a full-fledged synthesizer. It's all the rage in Aries right now." Natsuki got up and leaned over me to point at several colored buttons on the panels above the keys. "It doesn't sound as good as a real piano, but these switches can transform the sound into any of the major instruments, piano, guitar, flute, horn and so on. You can combine them if you want, adjust the pitch, or record different tracks and combine those. That's what the store said anyway. I haven't tried it except to make sure that it works." Then she asked with a touch of shyness, "Do you like it?"

"Yes!" My fingers were already running excitedly over the keys. _Music, wherever and whenever I want! _I was as gleeful as a child. "I'm curious though. What made Natsuki think of giving me this?"

"You said you missed playing." This time her glance was anxious. "Did I get it right?"

I clutched the instrument on my lap, incredibly touched. _She remembered?_ But it had been nothing, just a throwaway conversation when we were walking to separate classes.

_"You can do so many things," Natsuki said. The Corals had just been treated to a demonstration on the ancient art of tea ceremony where I had assisted the teacher. "But out of all of them is there something you really enjoy?"_

_"Music," I answered right away. "I miss my piano at home. I played it as often as I could." Piano was one of the few lessons that I'd chosen for myself. The other was a more practical though still esoteric course in the ancient fighting style of naginata jujitsu. I believe it gave my technique in handling my element a slight unpredictability that was still useful today._

With a lump in my throat, I placed the keyboard on the bed and stood to hug this incredibly thoughtful girl. "Thank you," I said again. "I love my gift."

This brought on a blush, but then her expression changed into something more resolute as I let her go. "Shizuru, I - I have something else for you." She was an inch shorter than me, and I caught my breath when she stretched up to plant a kiss on my cheek.

"Natsuki?" I asked, stunned. My hand rose to touch my cheek, as if to verify that what had just happened wasn't a figment of my imagination. The deep green of her eyes swirled with emotions I couldn't interpret.

"You're graduating in a few days, and I know I should be happy for you. I **am** happy for you. But it'll be strange to walk along these halls and know that you won't be in any of them. I - I'll miss you," she confessed in a shaky voice.

"Natsuki." Overcome, I took her into my arms again. This time I embraced her tightly, allowing some of my feelings to come to the surface. "We will see each other again. Besides," I added, trying to make light of it, "isn't Natsuki relieved? No one will ambush her with coy words and embarrassing hugs anymore."

"I'd gladly give you all of those if it would mean you could stay," she returned heatedly, and I saw that my ploy hadn't worked. There were tears shining brightly in those beautiful eyes. Her hands came up and crumpled the sleeves of my uniform in her grasp. "I...Shizuru..."

My heart thudded as her lips pressed against mine in a sudden kiss. It was the most artless of kisses, just the swift pressure of her lips on mine, but it broke through the dam that held back my feelings like it was kindling. I recovered from my surprise just as those lips shifted to leave. Instinctively, my embrace changed to draw her close. My palms opened to trace the sleek curve of her back as I whispered her name into the mingled air of our breaths. Then our mouths were fused together again, and I was kissing Natsuki back.

For one endless moment, I was in the throes of a fevered dream. My love for Natsuki and fledgling hopes that she might return those feelings poured into the trembling pattern my mouth gently set against her warm, soft lips. _You are everything I have ever hoped for._ I swallowed a half-moan when the lips I'd almost given up on ever touching hesitantly but willingly began to follow.

I could barely move, barely breathe when we finally drew apart. "W-was that...?" _Oh Natsuki, what have you done?_

"My first kiss," Natsuki admitted shyly, a blush high on her cheeks. "Shizuru, I know you want... I just don't know if I... but maybe..." She stumbled over her words, and with an uncertainty that wrenched my heart from the elation of that kiss and smashed it to pieces, she fumbled with the fastening of her collar.

I stopped her because while I saw love in her, there was no desire. I knew how Natsuki moved, the way she could throw herself into a course of action with total conviction. I had seen it many times when we sparred, and even just now in her kiss. This clumsy, fumbling hesitation was not it. That was when I began to suspect that she had, if not outright planned this, then at least intended for everything before this point to happen. The picnic, the meals together, the gift, and maybe the kiss - this was Natsuki's way of saying goodbye.

I cradled her precious face in my hands. The other Corals call her ice cold, but she was the sweetest person who had ever come into my life. If I knew her less, or if she had made this offer just a few, short months ago, I would've pounced on this chance to make her mine. But because she was so kind, and I loved her, I knew that this gift was not mine to take. "That is something Natsuki must save for when she is sure." _And now I know that I must truly love you, because it won't be with me, will it? _ "Thank you for your kiss. I will always cherish it."

"But -"

I cut across the stubborn but half-hearted protest. "What is it that Natsuki thinks I want?"

"Um, I guess...what married couples do?" she muttered.

I would've laughed at her diffident phrase if my heart wasn't breaking - for with her actions, Natsuki had made her feelings known as clearly as if she'd said them aloud. "Maybe that was true once," I freely admitted. "But you see, your irredeemable oneesama made a serious mistake. Despite all your remonstrations, I'm afraid that she -" to my horror, my voice quavered "- she has fallen for you." I could no longer meet her eyes, fearing that it would be that gaze which would break the little control I had left. "Perhaps she isn't so irredeemable after all."

Her eyes widened in shock. "Sh-Shizuru?"

_You had no idea, did you?_ I shook my head to stall her. I needed to continue while I still had the strength. "So what I want is simply this: I wish you every happiness, Natsuki."

At my words, the tears in those verdant eyes did what mine could not; they spilled over. "I want that for you, too. I wish...but I...there are so many things I'm still trying to figure out."

"It's alright," I assured her with utmost gentleness. "It's not your fault. It's a feeling, so it's either there or..." _It's_ _not. All this time you were just trying to say goodbye to your oneesama. _I stepped away and turned my back to her because no matter how much I smiled, she knew me well enough now to realize that she was causing me pain. "I just wanted Natsuki to know that I love her. But that doesn't mean -"

Again she surprised me. The last thing I expected were the arms that caught me from behind and wrapped tightly around my waist. Natsuki tugged me back until I was enveloped in her embrace for once, instead of the other way around. "Me too. I love you too, Shizuru," she said fiercely. "I will always be your friend. I will always stand by your side."

I placed my hands on top of the ones holding me captive. I had hugged her like this dozens of times. It felt strange but so good this way, that she was holding me for a change. I bit my lip to keep myself from tearing up. "I know." _It's just different, right, Natsuki?_ It didn't hurt any less because she meant it. I had no doubts that she would go to the ends of the world for my sake. But she didn't want what I did.

We stayed like that for awhile, not talking, until we were both steady enough to let go.

"Is it true that Haruka isn't coming back tonight?" Natsuki asked as we faced each other. At my confirming nod, she continued, "In that case...is it okay if I stay here with you?"

"That's not wise," I dissuaded her. '_It will be torture!'_ my head protested. But my heart didn't care. It would gladly spend eternity in bittersweet hell, holding the girl I loved but couldn't have. "If anyone finds out -"

"I don't care what anyone else thinks. We both know the truth." Stubbornly, she outlined her plan, "I'll sneak back before dawn. Mai understands and she'll cover for me. But even if someone catches me, surely being number two Coral counts for something. Otherwise, what use is it?"

And that was how we spent our second night together. Some time before dawn, I succumbed to the exhaustion of the last few days and fell asleep holding her. When I awoke, it was still dark, but she was gone and only her scent and the warmth of the sheets proved that I hadn't dreamt the entire thing.

So Natsuki liked the fact that I loved her, was even happy that I did. But she didn't feel the same way. The breaths I took burned deep in my chest. _Look on the bright side, Shizuru, at least you're no longer in limbo. Isn't that what you wanted? _I buried my head in my pillow as my tears flowed freely at last. _All_ _I want is Natsuki. I don't care for anything else! _Thankfully, it didn't take much longer for the sleep I'd held at bay for so long to reclaim me.

In the days that followed, for the sake of my own sanity, whenever Natsuki and I met I kept my teasing to words. Even up to the last day of my life as a Pearl, I did not try to catch her in my arms again.

* * *

><p>Author's Notes #2: <em>Don't shoot! *ducks just in case* See why this wasn't a good update to post before the holidays? Not that it was ready back then, but let's just agree that it would've been a bad idea. :) But a little seriously, this was a difficult chapter to write, and makes up one of the "drama" parts of this fic.<br>I'm still trying to get over the fact that Corners got a hundred reviews. _O.O_ Woohoo, thank you! Special thanks to those who took the time to comment on each chapter, to the ones who left long, detailed reviews that I've read a few *cough* many *cough* times over, and to those who found themselves leaving feedback for the first time. My muse was jumping for joy. For those who logged in, I do reply though it may take some time.  
>I've gotten several reviews expressing relief that Corners isn't AU or futa. It isn't, but I can't claim that Corners is 100% canon either. As I explained in the first chapter, how Natsuki and Shizuru met in this fic deviates from what's in the Otome drama CD. That happened mostly because I didn't know about the drama CD until after I'd written most of the first chapter. That brings me to the second reason, which is that there's so much additional material out there that I'm not aware of or don't understand since I don't know Japanese. Corners will definitely stay close to the Mai Otome anime though.<em>  
><em>And lastly, to Hyeera: That was one of the Otome scenes that inspired this fic. I wondered what was behind Shizuru's enigmatic reaction to Arika's question, and ending up writing it.<br>_


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